My grandmother Dixie

Mercury Retrograde sucks balls this time around. So many changes are underway that it is damn near unbearable to deal with. Starting with the loss in my family. I lost my grandmother Dixie, my brothers father-in-law passed a week before her. My sister was diagnosed with Stage 2 Invasive Ductal Carcinoma Breast Cancer, and is now losing a business that she has spent the last 7 years working on, due to her landlord selling the building.

In my own personal life, I am being bombarded with technology not working, my emotions being all over the place, and wanting nothing more than to sleep. My relationships thankfully are good. By relationships I mean my romantic one as well as friendships and business relationships.
I feel a change in my life, and I for the most part think that it is going to be a good one. But the anxiety and stress and depression and bipolar parts of me is saying “run for the hills boy”. So I am just letting go and letting god for a lack of better term. I know that there are things in my life that I can change and that there are somethings that I can not change. I learned a long time ago that I just need to roll with the punches and not try to demand changes or try to do much to change my situation at any given time, because when I do the universe slams me back into place and takes from me everything that I worked to change.

I know this sounds like bullshit to many people, but its what I have come to know and accept. If its meant to be in my life or for me to do something then it will happen. That is the way I live my life and its worked out so far.

I know people think that I am a loser, or that im just lazy or what have you. But its not true in the slightest. I like to work, if its something that I like/love to do. I like being my own boss and able to clock into work whenever I need or want to. But how many jobs do you know that would allow you to do that. Even if you are self employed you still have to put in some effort, especially if you have clients that depend on your work.

I am just really trying to see what the bigger picture is right now, as I feel like I am only able to make out shapes in the dust that has clouded my vision. And I know more sooner than later, I will be given the answers to my questions and that I will then be lead to a crossroads where I will need to make a choice on what path to follow. But for now I am just content with life as it is.
Though it isnt the best life, and yeah things are sucking major butt right now. I just keep my friends and family in my prayers and live my life the best I can with what I have avalible to me right at the moment. Living life from minute to minute gets tiring but, it keeps things exciting, because you never know whats around the corner.